Preached at St Mary the Virgin, Little Burstead @ 10:30 on 16 February 2025
Title: Divorce (and Marriage)
Purpose: To look at Jesus’ teaching on divorce
Reading Matthew 19:1-12; Genesis 2:18-24
Prayer
Introduction
The main reading set for today is from the Gospel of Matthew and is about divorce. Some of the disciples who were with him found what He was saying hard to accept. Some of us may also find what is said hard to accept or difficult to hear – they are not the same thing. Before we can understand what Jesus was saying about divorce, we must first look at what the scriptures say about marriage.
Male Oriented
This whole discussion is very male oriented. That is because women had very few rights in Jesus’s time. A wife was very close to being a husband's possession. It was the man’s responsibility to find a good woman and make a family.
As the old joke goes:
God said a good woman would be found in each of the four corners of the Earth
Then God made the world round.
Marriage
Purpose of marriage
God, did not, of course, say anything remotely like that at all. We heard, in our Old Testament reading what God did actually say. The woman was created as a companion for the man because it was not good that he was alone.
From that and other passages in the Bible, we can see that marriage is more than a social construct; it is a divine institution ordained by God. It serves several purposes in God's grand design:
Companionship: Marriage provides companionship and emotional support, reflecting God's desire for us to experience meaningful relationships.
Partnership: Husband and wife are called to be partners in life, working together to fulfil God's purpose and steward His creation.
Procreation: Marriage is the context for raising and nurturing children, ensuring the continuation of God's creation.
Sanctification: Through the challenges and joys of marriage, individuals grow in character, learning to love selflessly and sacrificially.
Marriage is the expected way to live
In Jesus’s time marriage is still the normal way to live. A young man’s parents would be expected to find him a suitable bride and have him married and let him established in his own household before he became properly mature – say 30 years old.
Bachelor
It is interesting to note that the word bachelor is not found in the Bible. There are however a few references to staying single – and we will look at that later.
Divorce
The basic laws of divorce are found in Deuteronomy chapter 24. These are the words that the Pharisees are referring to:
1If a man marries
a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something
indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives
it to her and sends her from his house, 2and if after she
leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3and
her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of
divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies,
4then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed
to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be
detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land
the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
Protect the woman
The certificate of divorce was designed to protect the woman, who would otherwise have been left in a kind of limbo, rejected by her husband and unable to take another husband because she would still seem to be married. She would then have had to rely on charity to survive.
Divorce - controversy
Divorce is a hot topic in 1st century Jerusalem. What exactly is meant by “displeasing” and “indecent”? There were two schools of thought, each championed by a particular Rabbi.
The school of Shammai, argued that divorce was permissible only in cases of adultery. Now, you will say to me, that the penalty for adultery is death by stoning, and that is true. However, by this time the death penalty was rarely, if ever, used in these cases.
The school of Hillel, held a much broader view—allowing for divorce on almost any grounds, even trivial matters – and some of the grounds that he accepted were genuinely trivial – a burnt meal, or perhaps he just didn’t like the look of her any more and wanted to trade her in for a better looking model.
Pharisees Trap
When the Pharisees approached Jesus, asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” They were really hoping that Jesus would align himself with one of these schools of thinking. That way they can cause controversy among His followers, and hopefully a split. Jesus is, of course, too clever for them and goes back to the purpose of marriage, which we have already discussed. He reminds them that Moses permitted divorce, not commanded it, and that any divorce is not what God intended in the beginning.
One reason only
So, Jesus tells them that there is only one ground for divorce:
9 “I
tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual
immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Disciples Reaction
The disciple's reaction is interesting. They are mostly young, not-yet-married men. That puts them in their late teens to early twenties. Their reaction speaks volumes about their attitudes.
“If this is the situation
between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
Which means they are thinking, ‘If I can’t divorce the woman because I want to, I would be better off not marrying at all.’ It seems that they are not prepared to give up their control over any marriage they may eventually have. To contemplate living without a partner is unusual in our world, but in theirs it is unthinkable. If they were to try it, they would come under a lot of pressure from their families.
Jesus answers them by talking about eunuchs. Here eunuchs refers to men that cannot, or will not be able to father children. So, some are made eunuchs by others – like those who look after the king's harem. Some are born eunuchs and are unable to procreate, and some choose that lifestyle. Although they could father children, they choose not to. This may be because they are, for example, dedicating their lives to building the church of God.
Divorce Today
Let’s get back to divorce, as that’s the main topic of this sermon. Divorce today is very different from divorce in Jesus’s day. Here the sexes are on an equal footing. Either a woman, or a man, can petition for divorce. While we should not presume to go beyond scripture, some other grounds for divorce in a Christian marriage are often suggested: spousal abuse (emotional or physical), child abuse, addiction to pornography, drug / alcohol use, crime / imprisonment, and mismanagement of finances (such as through a gambling addiction).
There were 80,057 divorces granted in England and Wales in 2022, down almost 30% from the previous year. The most common reason for the divorce is ‘unreasonable behaviour’.
Conclusion
So, as I finish, I’d like to remind you all that the perfect marriage does not exist. Difficulties will always arise. Life throws curveballs, and sometimes couples face immense challenges. But the ideal, the goal, is a lifelong commitment, a reflection of Christ's unwavering love for the church. The practical application for us today lies in understanding the gravity of marriage vows and striving for reconciliation and forgiveness within the marriage. Before considering divorce, we must exhaust all avenues of seeking God's guidance and support, including prayer, counselling, and seeking wisdom from trusted mentors within the church. Divorce should be a last resort, not a quick fix for marital difficulties.
Let us remember that God's grace is sufficient, even in the midst of brokenness. He offers healing, restoration, and hope, even when our circumstances seem insurmountable. Let us approach marriage with reverence, commitment, and a willingness to work through challenges with God's help. Let us pray for strength, wisdom, and understanding for ourselves and especially for those facing marital struggles.
Amen.