At the Cabin - Tuesday

I woke just as the sunlight made it not completely dark. It is a long time since turning the light out has meant that I'm unable to see, there is always some light from somewhere – street lights, other lights in the house, but not here, on a cloudy night there are no other lights. I could not see my hand. It made getting to sleep so much easier.

It was a good nights sleep, the only disturbances being the central heating pump, which we are not allowed to turn off, and the incredibly loud owls. It was a good night for listening to owls if that's your thing.

We breakfasted on the supplies we had brought with us, and showered in a beautifully warm shower, then after a brief look at Sunday's sermon, it was off to the big house up the hill. We arrived slightly early and had to wait outside the octagonal room. They were still rehearsing. Edmund Newell and Adrian Snell introduced us to the business of the week.

Session 1 - Via dolorosa

Adrian started with 'Simon Carry my Cross', and some reflections on what it means to bear Christ's cross for ourselves. We had some words of true wisdom from Warner on the same topic on the previous Sunday, and I have to say they were more use than the reflections passed on to us from the now Archbishop Rowan Williams. Warner reminded us that our cross is voluntary, not something (like an injury or illness) that just happens to us. Our cross is something we choose. Today we heard about the offence of picking up a cross. A cross - a symbol of the authority of the Roman empire. One Good Friday some time ago I used an electric chair to try to give a sense of the impact of taking your cross voluntarily. Taking it up an act of rebellion against that authority was a little to deep for me, but the morning is to get harder yet. I can only respond that my decision for Christ (when I was 24) seemed nothing like a rebellion – more of a home coming, suddenly arriving where I always wanted to be, without knowing where the wanted to be place was.

The rest of this session was largely lost as I tried to understand the nature of the rebellion I had taken part in. Certainly a rebellion against the world and all it stood for. The outrageous profit motive and the disgust when instead of a profit there was a loss. The use of people 'human resources' to staff a business, to generate profit no matter what the cost. I now know the cost is greater for those I couldn't see compared to the few I could. Other than that I struggle to see it in Che Guevara terms, but more in Woolfie Smith (Citizen Smith) terms – perhaps that's a comment on my effectiveness as a revolutionary. The other picture that occurred was the sight of 60 something 60 somethings as revolutionaries – but I guess even revolutionaries get old – so long as they don't get established they are still revolutionaries.

Session 2 - Father Forgive

Session 2 started after a coffee break during which I took in the grounds (no pun intended). I was standing admiring the view thinking that the only thing to ruin it was our car, parked half way up the hill opposite. Listening to the crows in the trees near by fighting over nest space or a mate, I could not tell. There were sounds of other birds too. I have often wondered what the sound of the world was like before mechanisation. Then the chain saw started – the estate is busy re-naturalising, and has another 90 rhododendron bushed to cut down and dig out.

Returning after coffee we were considering whether the words “Father forgive them, they do not know what they are doing” were added to some copies of John's gospel, or removed from some copies of John's gospel. They are certainly not present in all the old copies. The leaders did not make a suggestion, but did discuss the reasons why it may have been added or removed – anti-Semitism.

This discussion involved us being told about how badly Christianity has treated the Jews. I say Christianity, because I'm not sure if I mean Christians. Anyhow it was bad, appallingly bad, and remained so for many centuries. Of course we focused on the holocaust. Adrian told the story of his time in Germany when he visited a British Army camp. They had a difficult time, the equipment misbehaved, the audience heckled. Adrian spoke to the chaplain, who said yes, most people who come here have the same sense of oppression that you have. They were in the headquarters building for Bergen Belsen – one of the notorious concentration camps. They visited the site, and while there experience the ground vibrate because of the British Army practising close by. Adrian said the God brought to mind the verse about Cain's blood (the blood of the innocents) crying out from the ground There is a memorial in Jerusalem to the holocaust - party of it is in memory of the 1.5 million children who died. It is arranged so that a few candles show 1.5 million flames with the help of mirrors. The names of those who died are read quietly. These two images lead to the production “The Cry”.

Where was God during the holocaust?

That is the wrong question - it should be Where was man? When God is dethroned these are the kind of things that can happen. Even if they are 'supported' by Christians. Marting Luther wrote some letters/pamphlets/books called 'against the Jews' – and so did many others – If you are to blame Godless men, then I think Martin Luther and many other Christians must share the blame. I also doubt that you can call them Godless men. This is the same as the atheists blaming all war on religion. That is also misleading, and untrue – Stalin was responsible for the deaths of thousands of his people, and could not be considered religious.

When man is evil to other men it is called sin. God does not prevent sin – we all know that. We all know that we are of the same stock as the Nazi's, the communists, the Spanish Inquisition. We are all capable, some of us are fortunate enough to live in circumstances where our latent tendencies do not get the chance to flourish. Perhaps we should also thank God for that.

Where was God in the Holocaust? In the massacres of Pol Pot, or the various purges in Russia, China, or Rome, or at any other time in history when men have tortured and massacred each other?

Suffering with the victims and their families is my best answer.

Nature walk

We met outside the house at two thirty (and someone did the Chinese dentist joke – not me for once). The it was off to a few places around the estate to see what is being done. Lee Abbey have teamed up with Arocha and Natural England to manage the estate in the traditional way, as it was when we were children, according to the guide. So out come the rhododendrons, the sycamore's and the bracken, and in go ponds for the children to see tadpoles (but not collect them). It is an interesting experiment, but I am a little sceptical of the overall aims. If you want a truly natural England, just how far back do you have to go, and how much land should we return to virgin forest? Still it was a nice, if rather short walk, back to 'The Cabin' to see the midland fence that I saw them doing the other day.

I can remember having tadpoles, and watching them grow, changing from a fish, to something with two legs, then four, and finally letting the tiny frog escape into the long damp grass at the bottom of the garden. I can remember counting them every morning to see how many had died – we started with a lot, but rarely let more than two go. I'm also pretty sure we bought the frog spawn from the pet shop! This would be totally unacceptable today, and I'd expect Natural England to be outraged at the very idea, but it did teach us about nature, and it did teach us about life and death (to a degree, its hard to get attached to a tadpole). It also spread the frog population out across the gardens of the country.

International Night

The community that is Lee Abbey has members from all over the world. The Host Team – the group responsible for being the face of the house for this week – seem to be the leaders of this session. Our compare is German, and like all Germans (I'll stick with the stereotypes, but I do know they are) speaks very good English. Various members of staff perform, they are all very talented and capable, a few though are worthy of note. A girl who I think is a schools worker does an excellent job with her creation theme and her little 'fluffy' a puppet she has made and loves. She has a good voice too, and is more used to being in front of an audience than most. The leader of the Host Team does a mime about a guy who finds a box of chocolates and just can't resist another one– he is exceptional, and very funny. The last act was three girls swinging lights around to music, it doesn't sound much but it was a compelling visual display as the patterns they made change and merged and the separated again. I looked like hard work.

We decided against Chapel, and the late night film, which didn't sound that interesting, and came back to The Cabin, across the grass, instead of up the hill, more dangerous in the pitch dark, but a much shorter journey than last night.